*This was my “about” page for Chapel Milieu. Although the name has changed and some content has been updated, this subject remains at the heart of this blog.*

There are things that happen in life that profoundly change us. Breaking up with the American church, although I didn’t realize it at the time, has been that for me. I was only trying to stand for what was true: the true Jesus, the true Gospel. And ended up deconstructing a lifetime of cultural beliefs, a milieu I didn’t know existed or set out to change. My experience in church over these last few years has so disillusioned me that I thought I might never recover, and in many ways, I won’t. I’m in a better space now, but the things I’ve learned through this have forever altered my view of what the church actually is, what it’s purported to be, and what it should look like.

As I began deconstructing church culture, I quickly discovered that mine is not an isolated experience (though I’ve felt isolated many times during this long season), but that many others share a frighteningly similar story, some even worse than mine. It made me reevaluate not only my long-held beliefs about what the church is, but also what we, as Christians and the true Church, should look like.

Most of you are here because we share a commonality of American “Christian” culture in some way. Because we all have unique experiences that confirm our beliefs, there’s a lot of nuance that’s required here. Nuance can be difficult for people (myself included) who are used to only black-and-white thinking, because we desperately want every single thing to be categorized into either good or bad, right or wrong, do or do not. But that’s not how life works. Life is lived in the tension. It’s lived in the push and pull of our everyday lives.

This blog is about deconstructing American church culture and recovering the true Jesus. You may be asking if that’s necessary. And I will answer by asking you a question: Have you taken a look around at the average evangelical church in America lately? It looks more like a corporate business model than a gathering of believers meant to encourage one another in the Lord, share their gifts, and go out into the community to help and share the good news of the Gospel.

We have left our first love, Christ (Rev. 2:4). We have forgotten the faith that saved us (Gal 1:8-9), and the whole focus of church culture has become celebrity pastors with large platforms, programs, and entertainment propped up by a myriad of secondary and tertiary issues. Meanwhile, the Gospel has been obfuscated, conflated with other things, or abandoned altogether. And the name of Jesus is used in vain or as a footnote to uphold the hierarchy of the “church.”

The American church has been institutionalized, promoting and guarding the system rather than the individuals in the body of Christ. Daily, I see allegations of abuse of all kinds coming out about church pastors, leaders, elders, and members, with little to no accountability or justice. In many of these organized institutions, people are little more than bodies to be used, and when they go against the system, they become collateral damage, discarded and left to fend for themselves. This is not the true Church, and it is not the heart of Christ.

Some of the articles I’ve written here come from a very dark season, and although I’ve got my bearings now through God’s continued grace and some therapy, I think it’s important to share the hard parts, too. I also have views that have changed since I wrote some of my posts, including doctrines and theology, but I want what I’ve written to reflect the process I’ve gone through. I appreciate your understanding regarding this.

For the sake of understanding, I will be referring to what I call the institutional church (American church and its culture) with a small c. I will refer to Christ’s true Church, the body of believers that he will not let the gates of hell prevail against (Matt 16:18), with a capital C. There is a significant difference between these two things, and I hope this blog helps you understand what I mean.

The thoughts and opinions I share are my own and are based on my personal interactions and experiences. I do my best to tell the truth as I remember it, largely based on what I wrote at the time, including texts, messages, emails, comments, letters, and notes.